Rumi - Only Breath (Heart touching poem)

Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu
Buddhist, sufi, or zen. Not any religion

or cultural system. I am not from the East
or the West, not out of the ocean or up

from the ground, not natural or ethereal, not
composed of elements at all. I do not exist,

am not an entity in this world or in the next,
did not descend from Adam and Eve or any

origin story. My place is placeless, a trace
of the traceless. Neither body or soul.

I belong to the beloved, have seen the two
worlds as one and that one call to and know,

first, last, outer, inner, only that
breath breathing human being.

Ensemble Ibn Arabi - Sufi Music : Je T´Aaime De Deux Amours (My Love for You Is Twofold)

عرفت الهوى
I knew love
مذ عرفت هواك
Since I knew your love
واغلقت قلبي
And  I locked my heart
عمن عداك
To anyone but you
وقمت اناجيك
and I confided in you
يامن تري
You who can see
خفايا القلوب
What's hidden in the hearts
ولست اراك
and I cannot see you

احبك حبين
I love you two loves ;
حب الهوى
a love for the sake of love
وحبا لانك اهل لذاك
and a love because you are worthy of it
فاما الذي هو حب الهوى
as for the love for the sake of love;
فشغلي بذكرك عمن سواك
It is about having my mind busy with you
and no one else
واما الذي انت اهل له
and as for the love that you deserve
فلست ارى الكون حتى اراك
I cannot even see the Universe without seeing you
فلا الحمد في ذا وذاك لي
so the gratitude for this and that is not to me
ولكن لك الحمد في ذا وذاك
but to you is the praise for all this and that



ادم ذكري من اهوى
Keep the memory of whom I love 
ولو بمنامي
even if in my dream
فان احاديث الحبيب
for the conversation of the beloved
مدامي
is my wine
وانها بطيف منامي
and she is in the shadow of my sleep
ليشهد سمعي من احب
so that my hearing would witness whom I love
بروحي من اتلفت روحي
بحبها
I give my life to her
whose love with which
I ruined my soul
فحان حمامي
so my death arrived
قبل يوم حمامي
long before the day my death
ولم يبق الحب مني
and love didnt leave of me
الا حزني
except my sadness
و كابتي
and my depression

وفرط سقامي
and too much illness
لينجو خلي
so that my lover
من هوائي بنفسه
would save himself from my love
سليما
and be safe
ويا نفس اذهبي
and Oh Soul..Leave...
بالسلام
in Peace ....

I Believe - Fairuz and the Rahbani Brothers فيروز - أومن

اومن أن خلف الحبات الوادعات
I believe that behind the gentle seeds
تزهو جنات
lies flowering Heavens
اومن أن خلف الليل العاتي الأمواج
 I believe that behind the violent waves
of the night
A lantern rises
اومن أن القلب الملقى في الأحزان
I believe that the heart that is suffering in grief
يلقى الحنان ...
will find gentle love
كلي إيمان
I am full of faith
اومن أن خلف الريح الهوجاء شفاه
I believe that behind the reckless wind
there are lips
تتلو الصلاة
that say a prayer
اومن أن في صمت الكون المقفل
I believe that in the silence of the closed universe
من يصغي لي
someone is listening to me
أني إذ ترنو عيناي للسماء
and when my eyes look at the sky ,
تصفو الأضواء
 the lights get clear
تعلو الألحان ...
and the music rises
كلي إيمان
I am full of faith

 fairouz fairooz fairuz fayrooz fayrouz fayruz فيروز الرحبانى الأخوين رحبانى الرحبانية

For you to be you and for me to be me

Allow me to feel my pain
Allow me to connect with it
dont dismiss me
give me room to breathe
I need to let it all out
it is poisoning my system
the years of oppression and neglect are getting to me
I need a safe place
give me your unconditional love so that I can give you mine
feel my pain so that I can feel yours
my pain is a big part of who i am
I dont want to feel embarrassed of my pain
I am allowed to feel it !
You say : move on, move on...
how can I?
I will I know - one day maybe, when I am safe
when i am heard
Marginalized - do you know how painful that is ?
feer hurts!
Exposed...
I want to be exposed to you
with all my pain and brilliance
my genuis and depression
I dont want to be embarrased becasuse of my oppression
"it is not an issue" , you say. My life is way better that many others -
But you know, it is MINE, my pain is mine- I am the one who feels it.
My pain needs love
be gentle with my pain
my darkness needs the light of understanding
solidarity

dont dismiss me
can you accept me the way i am? with my beauty and baggage?
do you see my beauty at all?
I tell the ocean about my pain - the trees hear me

God hears me
I crave the unity of the soul , a commuinity of the heart
communion with God through you and him and her
help me drop my defences
help me get rid of my identities - I want to be whole when with you
how can i if i am not whole within myself?

help me break free from the grinding wheel - acknowledge my courage - my stuggle
embrace my schezophrania
my madness is part of me
my maddness IS me

take me as a whole
Allow me to be me so that I can seize to be me
What I feel is real even if it doesnt make sense to you
Do you know how it feels to be jailed? stripped of your freedom?
do you know how it feels to be a woman? an arab? a palestinian? an artist?
do you want to know? do you care to know?
Does anyone care to know?

why would they, depressing lamentaion ...
minority colonialism feminism
oppression stuff ... boring depressing activist blabla
why would you care ? you were born up there
on the top of the hill

but if you want to be you
i need to be me
there is no you without me
and only when you stop being you
is when I become me
and only then
is when
I stop being me
only then
you can be you
and i can be me
do you see ?
what i'm trying to say ?
yes or nay?
hey?
hello
knock knock..
anyone there
or just an empty headskin

let's both seize to be you and me,
and only be
a one amazing we

Emotional state

I'm feeling emotional, I know that is stupid. no, really it is stupid. nothing changed since yesterday, i only grew up one more day, i slept and woke up, received some more spam, spent a little bit more time on the PC and the TV, ate and drank...

nothing significant.

i feel rejected though. maybe because i am listening to emotional songs that are taking me back to times when i felt loved and in love. maybe because these songs are transmitting sad feelings. i wonder if i will feel happy if i listen to happy songs. am i taking on the feelings in the songs or is the song playing because it is reflecting my own feelings.

recently something happened , i met someone , and i got rejected, it didnt feel good at all. it clouded my judgment about how i feel about that person. you know what Madonna says? "rejection is the greatest aphrodisiac" do you think she is right?

The truth is that i have so much love inside me, that i need to share, to give, to express, and i keep on running into people who are afraid of love, i learned recently or not so recently that i cant express my feelings openly and freely, i cant be transparent. i never believed or followed that directive. the result, rejection or feeling rejected. having to swallow back my pride and emotional expression and crawl back in bed with old memories and fantasies of glimpses of loving moments.

Why do humans need love?? what is so special about a kiss ? about lips meeting? what happens when lips meet? how can people be so close one day and next day they are strangers. they hurt each other and say bad things about each other..

why does a song affect me so much? is it because it resonates on the deepest level with feelings i once touched and tasted? sad or happy

I dont know. i wish i knew, or maybe i dont wish, because at least i have an excuse now to be stumbling, i dont know, if i knew then i cannot justify my stumbling.

love love, they say it makes the world goes around.i love myself , but that still isnt enough, nothing is like hearing and smelling the love.

i am rambling heavily , i know. that is why God invented blogs , so that people like me ramble freely, liberally.

it will pass, the 'i need personal romantic love' fever. i think i like being in that state otherwise i can turn off the fucking music and go take a shower or a walk.. but again, no , i cant run from myself. in the shower I'll have me with me, i cant hide or run.

i tell myself this is only my domestication, it is all learned behavior. even feelings are not real, they are how we learned to react to different things.

In Star Trek there is a race called the 'Vulcans'. Vulcans were once emotional barbaric but then they decided to control themselves, they meditated and controlled their minds and emotions so that they dont get into the kind of emotional turbulence similar I am in today. they succeeded in living according to logic. But the price was high, we see in one of the episodes how Tuvac , the Vulcan became crazy eventually. In another episode it shows how when Vulcans are in sexual heat they are totally out of control.

The question is , will I even find the kind of love that i imagine and wish for? will i feel this real and deep connection with another person where there we become pure energy, where we merge but stay separate , connect on the emotional, physical, mental and spiritual, where there is no inhibitions and right and wrong, only pure transparency and childlike innocence exists, where play is the game, exploration of the soul.

bla bla bla

Eye contact

I was walking in the morning under the snow falling on my head surrounding me with bliss. So white , so pure. What is it about the 1st snow fall that makes people happy. I look at people's faces and see joy that I dont usually see. It is like looking at children. they smile back at me with excitement. (monst of them at least)
This whole thing about establishing eye contact with people and their reaction is funny, here, in the west, when i am walking down the street and my eyes meet someone's eyes , there is this awkward moment. this happens only with non- children. they either quickly move their look, look up or at the ground or just anywhere but at me. some of them say a reluctant hi, or just slightly nod, some would actually smile which is actually nice and makes me feel happy. sometimes it actually makes my day. So what is it about eye contact with strangers that is so awkward?? is this due to the recognition that we are all one??
I wonder...

CommDoors Intro.mp...